My van was the grande dame of the preschool fleet, a veritable humpback Chevy whale amid the Mitsubishi minnows collecting the children from St. Rita’s school at three p.m. She could hold six screaming preschoolers in the back, all of them with car seats, and without a factory-installed airbag in the passenger seat, she could accommodate an extra child up front when necessary. Today, Monday, it was necessary, and that lucky child was Melissa the Motormouth. Had the incident which was about to occur been worse, my defense would have been to put Melissa on the stand for five minutes and let her talk. I contend no jury in the world would convict me of driving too fast to get her home.

“. . . and then Jason took off his clothes and pooped in the wastebasket,” Melissa chattered, “only it was tall and he missed so it went down the side. And then he looked at it so I went to get Mommy and she said he was like Daddy ‘cause he leaves messes all over the house. Mommy almost cleaned it up, but Spike chased Fluffy through it and got poop on their feet and then Mommy chased them in the kitchen and then they got poopy paw prints everywhere. Yuck! Mommy cleaned Fluffy up and threw Spike outside. She mopped the floor and said Daddy would have to give Spike a bath when he got home ‘cause Spike was his dog and—Mr. Nick, watch out for that man!”

She pointed ahead to a man I’d been watching already. He was staggering down the shoulder of Highway 31, every so often lurching into the right traffic lane. The sleeves had been cut out of his flannel shirt and his too-long pant legs were bunched around his feet. Wiry, ebony arms flailed as he strove to gain his balance.

          “Uncle Harold walks like that and Mommy says he needs to dry out but Uncle Harold never looks wet to me . . .” Melissa was saying, but I stopped paying attention to her and slowed the van, approaching the stranger as cautiously as I could with traffic whizzing around us. I checked the rear and side mirrors to see if I could cut into the left lane.    (continue...)